You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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