When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
