I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
