I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
