She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think i have two assholes
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
