Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
