Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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