She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
