I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
This is my gift to your gina
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
