My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
