Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
