Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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