I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
