I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I love you. Go after that dick
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
