made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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