i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
