1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this boner is exhausting
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
