ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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