i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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