I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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