Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
