census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
