No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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