I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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