Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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