so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She told me I should be a condom model.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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