And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
