i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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