Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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