There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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