end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
