I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
