before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
