i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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