Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
