I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
