the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
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I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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