piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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