Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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