Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
