i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
