Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
