just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
