Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
