Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
there is glitter all over my balls
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
