The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
