oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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