look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't deserve a penis
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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