You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
