i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
3pm strippers are depressing
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
