So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
