Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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