he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
