Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
