can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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