I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
