Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize