Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
