Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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