She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
