it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
