Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
