What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
