I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
