i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
