yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just found a bag of teeth...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
