bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
