literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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