i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
