I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
