Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
