This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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