We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
