i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Found your dick twin last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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