You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I need moral support for this bender
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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