Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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