FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
