Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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