ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
