mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
