all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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