yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
