i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
