I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
