I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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